No matter how tight
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In my group, this was Richie: He was a year younger. He was a child of a friend of the family that the adults figured should be my friend too as if affection could be gained through osmosis. For no particular reason, Richie was the foil for every joke we made. If we thought of a good prank, it was always on Richie. If someone needed to take the fall because somebody else (me) missed the
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Nick and I once spent an afternoon carefully choreographing an elaborate, life or death action movie fight for
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1. The Psychopath

This wasn’t a normal, here’s my little kid arsenal that I keep under the bed in case of ninja attack; the Psychopath had
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He didn’t go around strangling kids in the bathroom or anything. He was only cruel when it was socially acceptable to do so. But he always jumped into it too eagerly and took it too far. When your group collectively made fun of a friend’s shoes, and everybody started riffing, it always ended abruptly and awkwardly when Mickey joined in on the fun with the worst thing you’ve ever heard.

"Nice shoes, Payless," you’d say.

"Does Fresh Prince do your shopping for you?" Nick would add.

"What are those, Roobeks?" Sean
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"Do they light up, or do they have pockets?" Richie would interject.

"YOU LOOK LIKE
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And there would be silence.

Mickey stayed over one weekend and my dad asked me where he was. "Stabbing squirrels in the yard with his switchblade" I answered honestly, having grown so slowly accustomed to Mickey’s "foibles" that I hardly even noticed them anymore. My father’s eyes grew wide, and he silently stepped outside. Mickey’s parents came to pick him up an hour later, and that was the last time I saw him.

But we all needed to know The Psychopath back then, as kids, before their sadism had time to fully mature. The Psychopath is
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You can buy Robert’s book, Everything is Going to Kill Everybody: The Terrifyingly Real Ways the World Wants You Dead, or follow him on Twitter, Facebook and Google+.
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And check out more from Robert in 5 Awesome Cases of The Internet
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