You may remember that a few weeks ago,
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As happy as it made me to know that my words resonated with so many people,
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So, in the name of making peace with all of the people who were offended by my alleged hatred of the great outdoors,
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5. Visiting Museums"Hey, you know what would be fun, a trip to the museum!" The preceding sentence is something no person has ever said with any semblance of honesty in their voice. Don’t get me wrong,
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Deny it all you want, but the truth is that arriving at a museum is right on par with arriving at one of those national monuments that I made fun of last time around. Once you get there,
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A stock image search assures me that this picture is what the Ice Age looked like.

When you get right down to it, museums are basically zoos for inanimate objects. Paying an admission fee to enter a place where everything is locked away so you can’t touch it is a fine idea if the stuff you’re looking at is flinging feces at unsuspecting spectators or swinging around on ropes and whatnot. That’s just a barrel of fun. But not once in recorded history has a painting ever leaped from its enclosure and mauled the teen who had been mocking it. Real live angry tigers know how to entertain a crowd, and they don’t need a ridiculous Glamour Shots for Men backdrop behind them to do it. That’s more than can be said for the stuffed animals in the above photo.

"But if I could pick a backdrop, this would be it."

Let’s be honest,
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Prezzo basso, there is simply no middle ground to be had there.

4. Playing MonopolyAlright,
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"Nuh uh, dude,
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The only real winner in a game of Monopoly is the person who knows better than to play that shit in the first place. In fact,
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But the popularity of Monopoly raises a pretty obvious question: Who in the hell is still buying this game? It’s not like Monopoly is just barely clinging to its last vestiges of relevance. No, it’s thriving. Just about every franchise or famous brand eventually gets its own Monopoly game. The Simpsons have a Monopoly game. The Beatles have a Monopoly game. Everyone has a Monopoly game made in their honor. So, surely,
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3. Attending Live TV TapingsSo you’re a huge late night TV fan and you’re planning a trip to New York or Los Angeles. The natural inclination would be to catch a live taping of your favorite show while you’re there. It will be just like watching at home,
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Yep, you are in their living room, and that’s what makes attending a live television taping so awful. Think about what kind of condition you have to be in before you willingly sit through an hour of Jimmy Kimmel Live. Half asleep, no makeup on (ladies), the day’s now dirty thong strung across the back of the chair you sit on to tie your shoes in the morning (ladies and fellas),
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Even Jay Leno is tolerable if you’re asleep,
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Watching late night TV is something you do during those "me" moments when the world works on your terms,
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For one thing, there are no lines when you’re watching television at home. Live TV tapings depend on audience enthusiasm to make them go well. What that means for you is that you’ll spend a solid hour (at least) standing in line while a bunch of college interns command you to "MAKE SOME NOISE!" so you can prove you’re worthy of even being in the same building as your favorite television stars.

If you’re lucky,
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If there’s one thing that lends itself as well to drinking as operating heavy machinery does, it’s being able to comfortably hold it when you need to use the bathroom. After spending the past hour or so getting television audience level drunk (or just having one drink, prude), there’s a fairly good chance you’ll need to use the bathroom. Bad news unless you remembered back at the bar or any other point before you got in line, you’re screwed. Getting out of your seat and locating a restroom while a live show is being taped is not something people look upon favorably.

"Yeah,
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Also, television shows don’t just film themselves. There is a lot of equipment that goes into a production of that nature, and trust me,
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