We’re all Internet people here. As a Cracked reader in particular, you are no doubt a suave, considerate and popular
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Your friend should take up sports.
Men Nike Free Run 2 Anthracite Black White Purple Quilted Not because it will make them cooler, but because sports let you keep doing all those uncool things and
Women Nike Free Run 2 Black White Purple Anthracite more and
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Brazil World Cup 6s for LARPing,
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Men Nike Free Run 2 Grey White Green Quilted for a triathlon magically
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I just found this out firsthand. Doing a 100K bike ride
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Have
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Doernbecher 4s introduce you to a magical
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As I said, I participated in a
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And nobody
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Obviously team sports make you
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Oreo 5s on
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"I’m
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Sure, if you’re participating in some
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Men Nike Free Run 3 Dark Grey Prism Blue hanging
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Slim Jenkins 9s all times) and that plastic tube hovering to the left is a water tube (from a CamelBak
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I’d wear them all the time if allowed they’d be just as handy for keeping an
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You
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"THIS IS MEDICALLY NECESSARY."
All endurance athletes take care to "carbo load" before an event, mostly with healthy things like bananas and sandwiches or if you see this as a free pass to
Roshe Run PRM Men Hazelnut Oxford Brown Anthracite Sail White eat tasty food (like me) pizza and cupcakes. And maybe a banana. All this
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Saying, "I’m about to (run/ride/swim) 60 miles!" silences
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The cyclists I talk to dread the "bonk" more than anything I heard a lot
Air Jordan 3 Infrared 23 of people express worries about bonking and none about falling, which is a little
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Air Jordan 9 Cool Grey 2012 but whatever. To prevent it, not only do you carb load starting from the day before, but you also keep eating during the
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In other words, you wind up on the eating schedule a lot of us would be on all the time if society and biology would allow it. The goal on something like a long ride is to keep eating healthy
Men Nike Free Run 2 Black White Blue Yellow crap as
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Women Nike Free Run 4.0 Night Blue Volt Pure Platinum White fruit, bars, etc.
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Candy
Columbia 4s special expensive candy made by nutrition bar companies. And gels
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Fear 4s taste) like little travel packets of toothpaste.
It really isn’t as bad as it looks.
It’s the same deal with any long endurance event, though cycling doesn’t usually jiggle your innards around
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Men Nike Free Run 5.0+ Red White looks. I can eat a cheese steak and
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This map says I can eat
Fear 3s a cheese
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Having
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3. Ignoring
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Are you
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Air Jordan 9 Motorboat Jones Once again, sports
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"Damn the man and his fascist ‘bathrooms.’
Air Jordan 9 Motorboat Jones "
Society has rules about things
Wolf Grey 3s like snot namely that you’re not supposed to wipe it on your hands or your clothes. But if you’ve ever watched a football game that’s being played in the winter, you know that shit goes right out the window as soon as you strap on a uniform.
Air Jordan 14 Low Retro Last Shot 2011 Those
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I found that snot is the
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Nike Roshe Run Woven Men Red Black Quilted blow into, especially if you don’t have time to get off the bike.
No. Some things are too silly even for cyclists. Also it’s not very aerodynamic.
That’s actually why most bike gloves come with a terry or fleece patch along the inside of your forefinger and thumb precisely to wipe your
Air Jordan 14 Black Toe 2014 snot on.
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