I’m a reluctant hero,
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I learned that you can’t coax, threaten or push a wild bird into a box or bag, not from the bushes and not from your fireplace. So I built a better mouse, ah, bird trap.

We have a killer fireplace. I mean a "Killer" fireplace, as in O. J. and Lizzie Borden a dead and not moving anymore kind of killer. After being away two weeks, I stared at a lifeless feathered lump in our damp firebox. An unexpected torrent had washed it down as it "peeped" down into the
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Fifteen years ago, we wanted an old fashioned fireplace; one made by hand
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The builder couldn’t stop laughing.

"That’s so yesterday. The modern ones made of recycled Tuna Fish cans and Foil Wrap pull the smoke out better and don’t cost a fortune. The top is capped so that birds, squirrels and stray aardvarks can’t set up an RFD in your chimney. No more birds for you, no sir ee. Sir, how many days do you use a fireplace in a central Texas winter, four? Ha ha ha!"

That was about eight birds ago.

I left the damper open while we were away. But if you’re listening PETA and bird lovers everywhere, it was the first and only casualty at our address. Heretofore SB and me, sole human inhabitants, made fools of our respective selves getting the birds out of the house alive. Our
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Here’s our last embarrassing "help the birdies" morning escape caper. The only thing missing was Steve McQueen.

Still dressed in jammies, bleary eyed, reeking from morning mouth and IED hair, we opened both our front and back doors providing an escape alley for the bird and a panoramic neighborhood view to the upcoming spectacle. All interior doors were shut. Armed with a mop and broom we readied ourselves and opened the fireplace glass doors.

All Hades broke loose as we chased the terrified bird from corner to corner of the house "shooing" toward an open door, dodging furniture and clutter like marbles in a pinball machine. Finally done and without a shred of self esteem or breath, we peeked into the yard to see if any human
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My long time lover and best friend, suggested both relationships were tenuous should I not
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w2 Smart Band Fitness Wristband Smart Bracelet Android 4.1 uw suggested I stop using words beginning with "F" as it
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My small animal trap was nowhere to be found. So I removed a shoe box from her closet and cut a round hole (with flap) for bird ingress and egress, and a few slits on top for light to enter. I filled a small dish with thistle seeds and placed it in the shoe box inside the fireplace and waited for the bird to have a spot of lunch. Two hours later the bird had eaten its way to a nap (as had I) in its cozy new nest.

SB picked up the shoe box, closed the door flap and took
Sports Bluetooth Wristband Fitness Sport Bracelet Smart Band Tw64 qb it to the deck. She removed the top of the box and watched as the bird debated if
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Shortly thereafter my sweetie smiled and left to buy a new
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"Of course," I said with a grimace.

Photo of bird trap available upon request.

John L. Brazell is a native Texan and resides in the beautiful Hill Country
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He is a member of several writing groups and has been published in ezines, newsletters/newspapers, community and corporate publications. His unfinished version of the next "Great American Novel" is entitled, The Unfinished Great American Novel.

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