Cracked on Birth Control Myths

There are many different myths regarding birth control. These range from
2012 Nike Free Run Tr Fit Gris Verde Hombres Tienda Es El Mejor Lugar Para Que Usted Compre the relatively innocuous (do it standing up), to the stupid (douche with Coke!)
2012 Nike Free Run 2 Negro Púrpura Mujeres Usted Recibirá Usted Quería Aquí to the incredibly dangerous (no
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 Piel Negro Púrpura Mujeres Cómodo y Envío Appropriate.Free one ever gets pregnant at Satanist biker gang bangs).

History has many examples of incredibly stupid attempts at birth control.
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Verde Negro Hombres Precio Bajo For example,
Nike Free Run 2014 Vino Rojo Oscuro Blanco Mujeres Ahorre 61% De Descuento y Envío Gratis ancient Chinese women
Nike Run Balanza gratuito 2014 Mujeres Negro Rosa Venta Outlet Para Mujer Para Hombre 2015 sometimes drank mercury after having sex. While
2012 Nike Free Run 3 Naranja Gris Mujeres Venta Online this may possibly act as an abortifacient, mercury is an incredibly deadly poison. Just being around it day after day was enough to drive hatters (who frequently used mercury) insane. This happened so often that it
Nike Free Run 2014 Gris Púrpura Mujeres A La Venta Con El Envío y El Descuento Más Grande lead
Nike Free Run 3 grises amarillentas Mujeres Usted Puede Disfrutar Del Envío Rápido Gratuito to the phrase
Nike Free Run 4.0 2012 Azul Plata Mujeres Precio Al Por Menor "mad as a hatter." Strangely, the phrase "Crazy as a sexually active ancient Chinese woman" has never caught on.

It doesn’t stop there however. People
Nike Free Run Trainer 3.0 Negro Rojo Hombres Liquidación Online Haz Clic Aquí Para 40-75% have tried virtually everything there is to try. Even magical weasel testicles (see History’s 10 Most Terrifying Contraceptives).

There
2012 Nike Free Run 2 Rose verde Mujeres Outletonline Tienda Es La Opción Ideal Para Usted have also been less stupid attempts made to invent birth control
Nike Run Balanza gratuito 2014 Plum mujeres rojas Para Mujer / Para Hombre De Envío Gratis devices.
Nike Free Run 3.0 grises azules claros Mujeres Garden Fresh Produce Hasta 50% De Descuento By less stupid,
2013 Nike Free Run Powerlines 2012 Gris Azul Hombres Con El Envío Libre El 70% De Descuento we mean they weren’t based on magical weasel parts. They still didn’t work (see 6 "World Changing" Inventions (That Didn’t
Nike Free Run 2014 Gris Púrpura Mujeres A La Venta Con El Envío y El Descuento Más Grande Change Shit))

Even more ridiculous than any of these, though, is an idea popular with several varieties of idiot. Have you ever heard someone
2012 Nike Free Run 2 2.0 Azul Naranja Mujeres Para Barato Pero El Real Zapatos Para Hombre say that
2012 Nike Free Run 3 Gris Púrpura Mujeres Se Openning Para Usted En Nuestra Tienda Online we
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 Negro de plata de la Mujer Sale Con La Variedad De Estilos y Colores shouldn’t give away condoms in high schools,
Nike Free Run Trainer 3.0 Negro Rojo Hombres Ahorre Un 80% because
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Azul Blanco Hombres Convertido En Una Parte Esencial De Moda it would
2013 Nike Free Run Powerlines Ejército reverdecido Hombres Envío Gratis Para Todo El Mundo encourage
2012 Nike Free Run 2.0 Gris Azul Blanco Mujeres Guardar Off50% -70% teenagers to have sex? Of course you have. Perhaps you yourself even
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 Gris Rosa Mujeres Con Alta Calidad y Precio De Descuento Para Usted believe. In which case, we at Cracked have a
Nike Run Balanza gratuito 2014 Mujeres Gris Naranja Running Zapatos For Cheap Pero El Real newsflash for you:

YOU DON’T
Nike Free Run OG 2014 Anti-piel azul claro Mujeres Running Zapatos For Cheap Pero El Real HAVE
Nike Free Run 2 Gris Azul Mujeres Ahorre Dinero En Millones De Top Productos a Bajo Precio TO ENCOURAGE ANYONE, AND WE MEAN ANYONE, TO HAVE
Nike Free Run 2 grises verdes Mujeres Hombres y Mujeres SEX. ESPECIALLY TEENAGERS, THE FILTHY LITTLE HORMONE ADDLED BUGGERS.

The problem, in fact, lies in getting any of the half evolved monkeys that form our species to stop having sex for five minutes. We’ll do it anywhere, even in the pages of religious texts (see The 6 Raunchiest, Most Depraved Sex Acts (From the Bible)).

The Future of Birth Control

Currently, most forms
2014 Nike Free Run Gimnasio Hombres blancos El Precio Bajo of birth control focus on
Nike Free Run 3.0 V7 ​​Rosa Blanco Mujeres Envío Libre y Vuelve Con Devolución De 30 Días the female reproductive system. The only notable exceptions are
Nike Free Run Líneas del arco iris azul de los hombres Comercio Al Por Mayor Tienda Online condoms and not having sex. Men have never been very fond of either option. However, researchers around
Nike Free Run OG 2014 Anti-piel azul claro Mujeres Venta Outlet Para Mujer Para Hombre 2015
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Azul Rojo Hombres Venta Online the world are now showing
Nike Free Run 3.0 V7 ​​púrpura Negro Mujeres Envío Libre y Vuelve Con Devolución De 30 Días us the way towards the future. A horrible, humanity free future.

2011
Nike Run Balanza gratuito 2014 Gris Rosa Mujeres Sale Con La Variedad De Estilos y Colores The male hormonal contraceptive passes major clinical trials and is approved for use in a number of countries. It’s administered in the form of a patch,
2013 Nike Free Run Powerlines Ejército reverdecido Hombres Con Alta Calidad y Bajo Precio cream, or implant, but the media repeatedly refers to it as "the male pill" anyway.
Nike Free Run 2 2 The public swiftly follows suit. This is essentially the same trick they used to get us to
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Verde Blanco Hombres Venta Outlet Para Mujer Para Hombre 2015 stop saying "institutionalized racism" and start saying "criminal justice system" instead.

2016
2012 Nike Free Run Tr Fit Naranja Hombres Outletonline Tienda Es La Opción Ideal Para Usted The FDA approves the sale of the male pill in early December. Wingnuts
Wmns Nike Free Run 3.0 V5 2014 Orange Mujeres Garden Fresh Produce Hasta 50% De Descuento from the religious right are completely silent, even though
Nike Free Run 4.0 Mujeres Luz Azul Negro Deseo Usted Tiene Buenas Compras Del Tiempo Aquí they all swore
2014 Nike Free Run Gimnasio Blanco Rojo Hombres Adicional 50% De Descuento En Liquidación up and
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Gris Hombres Con Alta Calidad y Precio De Descuento Para Usted down that the birth control pill for women would bring about the end of civilization and cause the
Nike Free Run 3.0 2012 Verde Plata Mujeres Tack Pasemos a La Acción y Satisfacer a Su Favor extinction of the human race
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Marrón Verde Hombres Venta Outlet Para Mujer Para Hombre 2015 itself. Not one person is even slightly surprised that they don’t seem to give a shit about it this time around.

Later that same year, a spokesperson for the men’s rights movement issues a statement saying that the new male contraceptive will "free men from the oppressive gynocracy that permeates our society."
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Negro Verde Hombres Con El Envío Gratis Para Todos Los Pedidos He is
2014 Nike Free Run Gimnasio Hombres blancos Usted Puede Disfrutar Del Precio y Le Consiguen Mejores Artículos De Calidad Aquí later beaten to death by a group of women wielding disproportionately small paychecks.

2017 Sales of the
2012 Nike Free Run 2 Rose verde Mujeres Outlet Store Waiting For You male
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Azul Oscuro Hombres Con Precio Más Barato y De Calidad Superior contraceptive are lukewarm throughout the first part of the year. In early March, a Las Vegas cocktail waitress claims Tiger Woods fathered
2014 Nike Free Run Gimnasio Hombres blancos Ahorre Un 80% her child. Woods had previously been involved in two sex scandals. The first was in 2009 when a bunch of women revealed that Woods had sex with them, and Elin
Nike Free Run 4.0 Mujeres Negro Rosa Anti-pieles Para Baratos Pero Real Para Hombre Nordegren revealed that her reaction to emotional upset was to throw a violent tantrum. The second was in 2010,
2013 Nike Free Run Líneas Azul Hombres Cada Compra Que Realice when Woods unveiled his foolproof
Nike Run Balanza gratuito 2014 Negro Rosa Mujeres Outlet Store Clearance Sale Online 2014 plan to treat his
Nike Free Run 3.0 V3 2012 mujeres negras A La Venta Con El Envío y El Descuento Más Grande sex addiction: getting a divorce. In any case, Woods denies the paternity allegation, issuing the following public statement:

"I didn’t father that woman’s baby,
Nike Free Run 3.0 V4 gris púrpura Mujeres Venta Online and I haven’t fathered any children at all in years. I take
2013 Nike Free Run Powerlines Negro Rojo Hombres llegada Para Baratos Pero Reales Para Hombre De Los Zapatos Corrientes my responsibilities seriously. I used to depend on condoms, but I recently got a prescription for the male
Wmns Nike Free Run 3.0 V5 2014 Azul Mujeres Venga a Unirse a Nosotros Lo Más Pronto Posible pill. It’s not really a pill at all, by the way. It’s a sort of cream that you rub
Wmns Nike Free Run 3.0 V5 2014 Orange Mujeres Siempre Se Puede Encontrar Fuera Su Favorita in. I’m sort of getting off topic here, but I’d like to point out that if I wasn’t on birth control, there would be a whole lot more
Nike Free Run Trainer 3.0 Negro Hombres A La Venta Con El Envío y El Descuento Más Grande one quarter black, one quarter Chinese or something, and one half whatever (I don’t play favorites) babies running around. What with all the fucking I do
Nike Free Run 3.0 V4 amarillas azules Mujeres Con Precio Más Barato y De Calidad Superior and all. And believe me, it’s a lot."

This speech finally convinces Nike to drop Woods as its spokesperson.
Nike Free Run 2 2012 Gris Amarillo Mujeres Venta 2015 Con Alta Calidad y Envío Libre Ahora He is
Nike Free Run OG 2014 Anti-piel azul claro Mujeres Venta Outlet Para Mujer Para Hombre 2015 immediately offered a lucrative contract to endorse male contraceptive products. He signs with the words "Fuck yeah!" and a drawing of a dong.

2018
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 V2 Blanco Gris Azul Mujeres Página Oficial Con 100% De Alta Calidad Sales of the
Nike Run Balanza gratuito 2014 Mujeres Negro Rosa Venta male oral contraceptive skyrocket. Worried parents begin putting their teenaged sons on the pill as a preventative measure. This is hailed as a major step forward
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 Luz Gris Verde Naranja Mujeres Para Hombres Baratos Running Zapatos by teen boys, who were
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 Piel Gris Blanco Mujeres Guardar Off50% -70% sick
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 Azul Plata Mujeres Con El 100% De Garantía De Calidad y Envío Libre and tired
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 Gris Rosa Mujeres A La Venta Con El Envío y El Descuento Más Grande of the traditional way this had been accomplished (neutering). spends
2014 Nike Free Run Gimnasio Blanco Rojo Hombres Guardar Off50% -70% three full hours complaining to her friend Judy about how her husband isn’t interested in responsibility, hates hard, unrewarding work, and has no concrete plans for
2014 Nike Free Run Gimnasio Negro Rojo Hombres Convertido En Una Parte Esencial De Moda the future and shows no signs of ever
2012 Nike Free Run 2 impermeable gris púrpura Mujeres Comercio Al Por Mayor Tienda Online making any. Judy nods sympathetically and says that her husband is the same way. This is enough encouragement for Stacy Ann to launch into her second complaint. She has been unable to conceive, even though she went off birth control three
Nike Free Run 2014 gris rosa claro de la Mujer Con Precio Más Barato y De Calidad Superior years ago and has insisted on daily sex ever since. Judy again nods sympathetically and mentions that she and her husband have the
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Negro Rojo Hombres Outlet Para Que Usted Elija. Comprar Ahora. same "problem". Neither Judy nor Stacy Ann ever connects the dots, because they are
Nike Free Run 3.0 2012 Verde Plata Mujeres 2014 Nuevo Estilo stupid. Their husbands continue to meet
2013 Nike Free Run Líneas Marrón Hombres 2014 Nuevo Estilo for
Nike Free Run 3.0 V4 Rosa Gris Mujeres Con Alta Calidad golf once a month, coincidentally at
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 V2 Negro Gris Moda Sale Barato the course right next to
2014 Nike Free Run Gimnasio Blanco Rojo Hombres Sale Con La Variedad De Estilos y Colores the pharmacy.

2023 A
Nike Free Run 3.0 V7 ​​Rosa Blanco Mujeres Venga a Unirse a Nosotros Lo Más Pronto Posible bunch of other women who aren’t
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Negro Oro Rojo Hombres Venta Outlet Para Mujer Para Hombre 2015 that
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Azul Negro Hombres Precio Bajo stupid start
Nike Free Run 2 Gris Azul Mujeres Nueva Colección Está Disponible accusing their husbands of taking the pill
2012 Nike Free Run 2 Negro Púrpura Mujeres Se Openning Para Usted En Nuestra Tienda Online in secret. The men insist that they’re not on
Nike Free Run 3.0 V7 ​​Gris oscuro mujeres rojas Sale Con La Variedad De Estilos y Colores
2012 Nike Free Run 2 Mujeres Gris Rosa Con Descuento Grande y El Envío Rápido it, and in fact want children
Nike Free Run 4.0 2012 Negro Rojo Mujeres Con Alta Calidad y Precio De Descuento Para Usted really, really badly. Really. After all,
Nike Free Run 2014 Negro Rosa Mujeres Envío Libre Con Entrega Rápida without children what is adult life but one long responsibility free booze fueled motorcycle ride of sex, fun and adventure? What kind of crazy maniac would want that?

2037 People notice that birth rates
Nike Free Run OG 2014 mujeres rojas de piel Anti- Precio Más Bajo have been falling steadily for the last 20
Nike Free Run 2 2012 Luz azul púrpura Mujeres 100% De Garantía De Calidad y El Envío Libre years. Some scientists insist that this could be due to a number of factors, such as estrogen like
Nike Free Run Trainer 3.0 Negro Azul Hombres Aquí Sería Su Mejor Opción compounds in the water, or maybe some sort of gypsy curse. The scientists
2013 Nike Free Run Líneas Marrón Hombres Con Alta Calidad who aren’t male
2012 Nike Free Run 2 Negro Rojo Blanco Mujeres Liquidación Online Haz Clic Aquí Para 40-75% point out that these theories are dumb, and that a more likely explanation is that those other
Nike Free Run 3.0 2012 Gris Rosa Mujeres Con El 100% De Garantía De Calidad y Envío Libre scientists
Nike Free Run 4.0 2012 Azul Verde Mujeres 2014 Nuevo Estilo are on the damn pill themselves.

2039 For the
Nike Free Run 3 Gris Verde Púrpura Mujeres Venta 2015 Con Alta Calidad y Envío Libre Ahora first time in history, the editors of Cosmopolitan replace the magazine’s usual
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 V2 Blanco Gris Azul Mujeres Precio Más Bajo cover story (16 Sex Tips We Claim To
Nike Free Run 2 2012 Gris Amarillo Mujeres Venta 2015 Con Alta Calidad y Envío Libre Ahora Have Invented) with a new one (12 Ways to Trick Him Into Making Sperm).

2042 The Maury Povich
2012 Nike Free Run Tr Fit Naranja Hombres Deseo Usted Tiene Buenas Compras Del Tiempo Aquí show, deprived of the paternity accusations that made up the bulk of its material, instead starts showing episodes where one man tries to figure out which of seven women replaced his contraceptive
Nike Free Run 3.0 V4 Naranja Gris Mujeres Deseo Usted Tiene Buenas Compras Del Tiempo Aquí cream with a compound
2012 Nike Free Run Tr Fit gris azul de los hombres Outlet Store Clearance Sale Online 2014 of raw oysters and bull semen.

2046 The decline of
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Azul Negro Hombres Liquidación De 2014. Obtenga 85% De Descuento pregnancies and childbirth is now undeniable. Disney closes down most of its operations because
2012 Nike Free Run 3.0 Piel Gris Blanco Mujeres Proporciona Varios 50% De Descuento they are no longer profitable. Disney releases a statement saying that the company intends to "refocus
Nike Free Run 3.0 V2 Negro Naranja Mujeres Usted Puede Disfrutar Del Envío Rápido Gratuito on our core business of being evil."

2049
Nike Free Run 4.0 2012 Rojo Plata Mujeres Usted Puede Disfrutar Del Envío Rápido Gratuito An aging President Woods appeals to the
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Azul Rojo Hombres Garden Fresh Produce Hasta 50% De Descuento men who aren’t on contraceptives to come forward
Nike Free Run 2 2012 Gris Amarillo Mujeres Factory Outlet Tienda Online Ahorre Hasta Un 60% for the good of the nation. Thousands of
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Azul Negro Hombres Liquidaci籀n Online Haz Clic Aqu�?Para 40-75% men heed the call to selflessly use their precious seed to impregnate as many
2012 Nike Free Run 2.0 Gris Pinke Azul Mujeres Con El Servicio Profesional Envío Gratuito women as will volunteer. Every single one is
2014 Nike Free Run Gimnasio Hombres blancos Ahorre Un 80% later found to
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Negro Hombres Luna Outlet Para Que Usted Elija. Comprar Ahora. be lying about not being on the pill.

2067 Jeffrey Neubacher, the last child to be born on Earth, turns 14. His father
2012 Nike Free Run Mujeres Plata 3.0 Verde azul Con El Servicio Profesional Envío Gratuito immediately procures for his
2012 Nike Free Run 2 Negro Rojo Blanco Mujeres Precio Bajo son a subscription for male contraceptives, saying "No son of mine is going
2012 Nike Free Run Tr Fit Azul Blanco Hombres Ahorre Un 80% to have to go through the hell of having a son."

2152 The last person on Earth suddenly remembers that it’s possible to make sperm out of stem cells. She
2012 Nike Free Run 3 Naranja Gris Mujeres Entrega Rápida a Su Puerta decides to dedicate
2012 Nike Free Run 2 Azul Negro Mujeres Con Alta Calidad y Precio De Descuento Para Usted her life
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Azul Rojo Hombres 100% De Garantía De Calidad y Entrega Rápida to repopulating the planet, until she remembers that she has been menopausal for decades. This depresses
Nike Free Run Powerlines Ii Marrón Verde Hombres Con El Envío Gratis Para Todos Los Pedidos her for a couple of minutes, until she recalls the one thought that has sustained her all these years: she
Nike Free Run 4.0 2012 Negro Rojo Mujeres Ahorra Hasta Un 65% De Descuento y Envío Gratis is technically the sole owner
Nike Free Run 3.0 V2 Blanco Rosa Mujeres Hasta 50% De Descuento. Envío Gratis Para Todo El Mundo of several billion pairs of shoes.

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